Lately, the thoughts running through my head have been in a form that I believe can be best described as a blog. My mind thinks as if I am explaining myself to someone else who does not have the same access to what I know and feel. While that sounds really odd, I think it has to do with the persistent desire to write a blog for the hell of it. I don't usually have much to say, but if I ever do, I often keep it to myself. In blog form, I can see my thoughts progress, keep them here for myself if I should ever want to return to them, and practice verbalizing what I'm feeling, for it is not easy for me to describe events to the extent to which I experience them inside. A good way to start off, I believe, is to jot down a bucket list for myself, to have something to come back to when I claim that I have nothing left. Plus, I consider list-making a relief, because it's easier to keep track of my racing thoughts this way instead of letting them disappear into my mind's black hole. I'm starting this to win.
My "You're Still Alive, So Why Not Do Something" List
1. Sky Diving...yes, this cliche activity is at the top of my list. I'm scared shitless to even try it, but I would not say "no" because I want the stomach-wrenching feeling, an intensity that is not easily experienced.
2. Read...just anything, really. Absorb what others are trying to get across because they know what you don't. Currently, I'm reading The Fountainhead ...I want to see what that's all about for myself.
3. Learn guitar...It's summer, I've got time, and I've got desire.
4. Improve...on everything! This will come with time and lessons and obstacles. But really, a more concrete goal is to improve my vocabulary. It's the strangest feeling to be able to think thoughts that sound eloquent in my mind, as if I am writing a book, but not to be able to express it to the same extent out loud. Things always seem safer inside my head.
5. Cook...my grandma lives with my family at home and she does most of the cooking. This woman has been cooking for 50 years! She's amazing, and at the young age of 80, continues to impress me with her diligence and loyalty. Here I am, a directionless 21-year-old, with the special chance to learn how to cook from my own grandma, but am only writing about it instead of seizing this opportunity. Think of the homemade recipes I could know. What am I sitting around for writing this pointless blog?!
6. Tennis...I have recently re-discovered my love for tennis, and what a huge epiphany that has been! My goal is to return to the tennis club at Davis and actually participate in the hit-arounds. It's going to happen.
7. Talk to strangers...Honestly, some of the best conversations are the ones you least expect. Giving people a chance will allow me to see where someone is coming from.
The list is bare and basic. It does not begin to describe the many things I have yet to learn and experience. I want it all, and I plan on slowly finding my way through the highs and lows of my last year of college and life after graduation. I'll try to sound less cliche as my writing develops, and hopefully, as my thoughts mature.
And now, to leave you with this disturbing, yet ridiculously fascinating, animation of cows:
